WTF Do You Blog About!?

For the first time since January of 2007 I cried my eyes out (and I cry as I write this).  I probably needed it but after I stopped I still didn't feel better.  I think I still feel the same way I did before I let the tears fall.  Why was I crying though? I have no idea but there were a few tragic events that happened to me over the past 21 months.  I guess it all just hit me once I took the time to sit down and actually think about them.


First up is this woman.  Her name is Chris.  One of the most wonderful women this world (in my eyes).  I consider her to be my mother.  We use to say that we were mother and daughter in a previous life.  I have known her since 2003.  So what makes me sad is that she's no longer in my life (physically that is).  Chris lost her life to cancer in January of 2007.  She lived the best life she could but her life was also surrounded by a lot of negative things.  Three of them was cancer.  You see Chris was diagnosed with cancer (breast and lung) three times.  As I watched her battle the disease each time I saw how much of a fighter she was.  Through all of the drugs, chemo, and hospital stays she kept a very positive outlook on life.  The thing that makes me sad is that I miss her (yes I still grieve for her).  I feel like I didn't get enough time with her.  She was a person who helped me a lot and she was a great counselor.

Next up is the situation with my ex.  If you missed it then click here.  I spent two years with the guy and he had been lying to me the entire time.  I will admit he did a great job with his lies because it kept me around for so long.  I don't cry over guys but this one hit me pretty hard.  I'm extremely angry and sometimes when I let my anger get the best of me there can be tears.  I guess it was the fact that I actually let myself get so caught up with him.  I'm not a demanding person when it comes to relationships.  I'm not expecting a person to spend every waking moment with me (I hate clingy people lol) but I do expect some time to spent with me.  Another thing I ask is not to lie to me.  It's just one thing I hate.  I'm not into playing games nor wasting my time when it comes to dating.  This guy managed to do the exact opposite of what I expected (and told) from him.  In the past month he told so many lies that he actually had to use lies to cover up the first set he told.  He kept throwing them at me like I really believed what he was telling me.  Good thing I'm smarter than that and have the tools necessary to verify things he said.  It just boiled down to him wanting to be with his previous girlfriend and him not being adult enough to tell me.  Sorry folks I think that was another "I hate guys rant."


Finally this is my sister Angie.  She's a couple years younger than me and I've managed to play the big sister role well.  We're not blood related but she's still my sister just like Chris is my mama.  I've known Angie since 2003. I think it was around the same time Chris entered the picture.  We all met online via a graphics group/forum.  We were all heavy into PaintShop Pro and Photoshop back then.  That's where our unique family started.  Writing this just made me realize I really need to get back into my graphic work.  Those were happy times. I sort of lost my passion for it when Chris died.  Anyway back to Angie.  She's a great girl and makes a good little sister.  I say that because I can freely pick on her (I know I'm mean).  It's fun being a big sister since I never had that chance with me being an only child.

Now I need to cherish every moment that I have left with Angie.  She managed to drop a huge bomb on me that really disrupted my day yesterday.  I couldn't function at all and anytime I thought about her I would think about Chris as well and start to tear up.  The bomb is that she has cancer.  Something that I would never have expected hearing from her.  The thing is that her doctor has given her six months to live and she doesn't want to fight.  As I said before I'm still grieving over Chris and the thought of possibly losing another person who I'm so close to is very sad.  She's 25 and doesn't want any treatment so how do I convince her that she needs to fight?  I understand her reasons for not wanting to fight and I'm not trying to be selfish but, I just think she's so young and there is so much more that she can accomplish in life.

Those things on top of the death of an uncle last year are why I'm sad.  I can't pinpoint the exact reason why I cried.  Maybe it was a combination of all those things.  I was thinking the tears would actually make me feel better but they didn't.  Now I'm off to clean up the stain I created with my tears writing this post.

Have a happy Friday and Halloween!